New year, new resolutions

It's been almost exactly one year since I last updated, most of my posts having been on my main website instead of my personal journal. 2009 was a great year to wrap up and start a new leaf in my book. I graduated from college and entered my top choice for grad school. I finally know where my academic calling lies, at least enough to pursue a 5-year research career on it. I made new friends and generally grew more confident of who I am.

Last month, I was reminded of what true friendship really means. First, I had a conversation with one of my new friends who showed me a different definition of friendship than what I was used to. G invests her whole self in her closest friends, and has the expectation that friendship means that you will reciprocate this selfless giving. I am probably butchering her definition, and didn't actually think about it until I visited a dear high school friend last week. S and her family were excellent hosts and she took me on all sorts of adventures around her town. We had a great time, and I was humbled at how much giving there was that I felt bad I took so much, not knowing how to give back except to invite S to my city and offering to show her around. I can only hope to be as good as a host as she was.

We had a conversation about our other high school friends, and it occurred to me that I never saw friendship as something I have to work for. I always thought it was okay that people came and went in your life, that "life got in the way" is an excuse for not keeping in touch. I'm ashamed to say that I have become lazy in the upkeep of my own friendships, especially ones that I claimed to cherish so much from high school. It's not enough to just keep in touch electronically; I need to consciously invest in face-to-face interactions as well. It's easy to post on someone's Wall or write them an email, but how much more would it mean to them and to your friendship if you showed that you mean what you say by following up in person? Now of course, a lot of my friends are currently hundreds and thousands of miles away, so the best that I can do with these friendships is to keep in touch by writing and hope that we will meet again someday.

So one of my resolutions for the new year is to be a better friend. Keep in touch with old friends, and make an effort to continue growing these relationships. Visit friends whenever I can, especially when I am home. My life is considerably less full of love without them, and it's time to show them how much they mean to me.

On materialism and some kind of nostalgia

It is the weekend after spending a month with my sweetheart and before going back to college, a time in my life that always seems to be some sort of delicious purgatory spent at home. I mean this word in the best possible sense; I love my parents dearly and don't appreciate their company enough, and my mom's cooking is enough to make any distance worth traveling. But there is something that tugs strongly at my soul, enough to create feelings of unease, loneliness, and melancholy in this house.

First, I find myself not wanting to do anything. Understandably so -- it is hard whenever we go back to being a long-distance relationship after being comfortably warm and familiar with each other's presence. Reading seemed like a great escape for a while, until my parents came in and roused my fragile state. I couldn't help it. Talking about things we could do together as a family made me want to curl up in my mom's arms and cry. I missed N, but at the same time missed spending lots of time with my family. One weekend, especially a purgatory one, is not enough.

Let me explain what exactly I mean by "purgatory" in this sense. Home has become a sort of transient place between college and breaks, somewhere I go to rest and eat and spend time with family before moving off somewhere else for vacation. A waystation. My productivity shoots way down because I feel that a couple of days is not enough to build up momentum for work. As a result, the entire next week that I have planned out for school looks and feels like ashes and dust. Not only that, but the few days before and after I see N can be some of the hardest days, especially if I don't keep myself busy. It feels like a little bit of my soul is shaded. I am also feeling a greater urge to be independent from my parents, yet at the same time I still feel like a child. What I have then are moments at home that I no longer consider one of my prime natural environments, somewhere I can come to rest, but not feel alive, somewhere I long for, but cannot stay forever. I miss being home even though I am home.

When unproductive, the next logical thing to try was to pack. Organizing things always makes me feel better. I have always been vaguely aware of how much stuff this house holds from my younger years. Today, it astounded me and caused me to stress out a little. There were a lot of things that could be sold at school; old clothes and games can easily find better homes, but the more I think about it, the more I know I won't make the time to put these items up for sale. We can also donate, recycle, or reuse some as gifts.

The sheer materialism from my middle and high school years was overwhelming. It forced me to consider what trinkets I was spending my money on these days, and what I could do to clean out the old stuff. I think the best plan, although it may irk me now, is to wait until the summer before going to grad school to sort it out. There were so many pretty and shiny things that made me happy, but years, even just months, down the road, they are forgotten, only useful as a reminder of how wasteful I was and how to better spend my money.

Despite all of this, I can't help but feel optimistic. I strongly believe that I am exactly where I should be and there will be a time and place for everything. I also know that these slumps never last long, and I always emerge from them more appreciative of the more permanent things in my life.

Stories

I hung out with Aya today at the Boston Institute of Contemporary Art because she has never been there before, and it's my favorite art museum in Boston. On the way, we had some pretty good conversations about random things from the fly swatter table number sign at the café, to relationships, to Aya's crazy adventures in Providence last night. This girl is seriously awesome.

The opening piece, pictured above, is amazing as usual at the ICA. It is an installation by Ugo Rondinone that features rainbow-colored mirrors surrounded by Boston Globe newspapers. Here is a height comparison (to me), courtesy of Aya's camera expertise. I mean, check out that tilt, yo, it totally reflects the whole neck-craning to look up at the bodacity of the installation. Unfortunately at the ICA, there is a $10 charge for awesomeness and attractiveness.

The main gallery also had some pretty awesome sculptures made out of everyday objects like pins, toothpicks, and plastic cups by Tara Donovan (check out the slideshow). Aya touched the pin block innocently and was gently rebuked by the hawks that stalk each corner for any sight of a camera and artwork touching. Apparently the pin block is only being held together by gravity, no glue at all. We then raided the gift shop for Christmas gifts. I got something so awesome and powerful...I can't say what it is, but whoever's receiving one is going to have so much fun, x 3. Oh man, can't wait to see it/them in action.

Said pin block.

After the ICA, we went to Downtown Crossing to So Good Jewelry where our eyes were blinded by armies of earrings and necklaces. I found a Verizon store down the street where I sampled the Blackberry Storm. Pretty shiny. The data plan, not so much. We briefly went into Macy's and bathed in second-hand perfume, then parted ways at the T.

Next trip with Aya: New York City!

First bar (non)adventure

I went to a Mexican restaurant with Malissa tonight and it turns out she and her 2 coworkers were just chilling at a bar being completely mellow.  She was having a strawberry banana margarita, which she let me try, and not wanting to just sit at a bar drinking water, I decided to order one for myself.  I got a blueberry margarita (on the rocks, sugared rim) for $7.50, which I thought was pretty expensive, but I had never really bought an alcoholic drink at a bar before so I wouldn't know what to compare it with.  (Now that I think of it, I could get a pad thai for that much from Lemon Thai...that's a whole meal and a half for me!)

I did not finish it.  It tasted okay, but not as good as Malissa's strawberry banana.  I got through about 1/3 of it and ate some of her friend's leftover fries (which were really good) and then started feeling something like tipsy.   Again, I wouldn't know, I've never drunk this much in one night.  Earlier, I had a few sips of Wachusett Blueberry, which was disappointing because it just tasted like 99% beer and 1% blueberry, and I dislike beer a lot (x10).  Bleugh.  I guess I was hoping it would taste like Mike's Hard Lemonade.  I also had about 1/2 shot of Baileys mint chocolate, so altogether that was more alcohol than my body ever had.  I just felt really sleepy and full (but not sleepy enough that I couldn't drive 5 minutes home).

Just now I remembered that I had been to Punch's Alley at my school about a month or so ago with a friend who came to hang out and visit campus.  It's the bar on campus that's completely painted red, and it looks nice and fancy and small.  I ordered an Alley's punch or something, and it turned out to be just grenadine and sprite...essentially, sugar water in a glass.  That was only $4, but it was non-alcoholic.  Too sweet + Don't like soda = Didn't drink the whole thing, either.

I'm now half-snuggled in bed with a sort-of headache wondering what this all amounts to.  Drinks are just as expensive as a meal, and they do nothing but make me sleepy and headachy if I drink a lot (still little by American standards) and taste too much like sugar and alcohol.  I've always known I wouldn't be a beer drinker, but that I'd be willing to try out different mixed drinks and whatnot.  For now though, I'm sticking with my mini bottle of Baileys ($1, will probably last for a few days).

Baileys ftw!

I love cinnamon.

You Are a Cinnamon Latte

Deep down, you are a sensitive soul. You just want to be loved and appreciated. You may have a spicy attitude, but you're all sweetness on the inside. You are dependable and loyal. You have your life together, and you're able to be there for other people. You like nothing more than a warm, cozy house filled with friends and loved ones.

What Flavor Latte Are You?